Bright line Spectrum

 I've come a long way through thick and thin. Drawing, planning, researching, drawing etc... You would think the most simplistic art would be easy? However, I was dead wrong...drawing cute things is extremely difficult. All it takes is one bad drawing a day, and the mental compacity to not give up on yourself. Here is a mock up of my business cards and the surfing Pikachu pin I made. I'm surprised my pins have came out super cute! Super kawaii photos coming soon! #kawaiiart #etsy 

 SO I finally decided to bite the bullet and invest in myself. I always wanted to do something with my art, but feared I was never good enough. I see other artists and cannot help but compare myself to them. I see people my age with careers, while I am still trying to finish up school. I don't own my own home. I cannot afford my own apartment, and I am in my 30's already. This has really taken a tole on my mental health because every time I try to be successful there is a roadblock. I really am trying to persevere, so I am making an etsy store on the side. Turning my artwork into pins, stickers, charms, and stationary...hopefully more. It is a big step and by my life's past experiences I probably won't be successful. That is the kind of luck I have. However, I am still going to try and I am one semester down at SJSU. Only about  three more to go if I'm on the right path. The pandemic has really made it difficult for my day jobs, but very easy for my education. I get...

 August 30th 2020 We drove to New Mexico to pick up our little baby. He is a handful, but I love him.

 School has been a journey. I have to say; going to my first semester of college through zoom video calls was weird at first, but I really enjoy it now. It's my little introverted-slice-of-heaven.  One of the reasons being I do not have to drive 1 and 1/2 hours to school. Next year was approved to have school over the internet as well. Since there really hasn't been any progress with the coronavirus. Most people are tired of being inside all the time or not being able to visit their favorite restaurant or bar. I don't mind, I get my food to go.  I am excited because I decided to move forward and do something with my art. Going to start my enamel pins. I am super nervous because college has been hectic, plus both jobs, and little Gatsby but also trying to find the time to draw. This could be the ADHD talking, but I am on the quest to focus.

      Today marks an important event in my life. On June 16th, 2020 I have officially enrolled as a full time college student for SJSU. I am nervous because I would have to quit my job. I won't be making as much money anymore. There comes a time when you need to take risks and bet on yourself. I've been working two jobs while trying to finish up community college for the last 6 years. I've struggled and crumbled under stress. I've been miserable working two jobs I have no passion for.  I had no assistance. Now, I am almost there, I am almost at the end of the finish line. It is time to invest in myself. Even if I have to live off of unemployment for a while and suffer day to day wondering how am I going to afford rent. I got to do this. Now I need to save up some money this summer for the long year ahead.

So I came to the conclusion that I am going to make an "official" website to blog on. I am going to put this into the universe, so I actually do it. I love this blog though, it's user friendly and I am already attached to it.  Maybe I'll just post on here more often? Since writing is my passion, I need to write more. I don't even draw anymore, I have no idea why....or maybe it's because I play too many video games and read too many books. I have so many hobbies. Help me!       I  want to intern or even work for Google one day. I want to be part of a company I am passionate about. I want to help create, work, even stress at a job I am happy to go to. I would also like to work at Twitch, Riot Games or DC Comics......or in publishing. I have so many interests it may seem that I am not passionate just greedy but I love all these companies. They inspire greatness in me. I've been working for CVS for seven years. I have been working as a teacher's assista...

I forgot about this.... I completely forgot about this blogging site. I wanted to make a brand new one......Why? I don't know this was before Wordpress was popular or before I knew how to make my own website. Should I just create my own website or stick to this?  I own the domain "1-upexpress.com"  I just need to use it. 

I wrote this in a moment of boredom because I picture doodles in my head, and write down words to those images I imagine. In hopes that I would make the artwork for those words one day; when I found the moment. I open my eyes the sky glows pink Transformed to a place of  sugar plum treats Bubble gum blossoms and Chocolate Streams Marshmallow Clouds and Lollipop Trees I wipe my eyes, but where do I reside? The image starts to stir.. My hands become fur... My face transforms My vision blurs What is becoming? The sky grows gray Under the nightmare shade Your  Hands now claws Your  Feet now paws Panic sets in Your nightmare begins You scream, but it's a howl You cry, and it's a growl The world fades... You drift away, to present day With a fright, In the middle of the night

With The Earth When I am dead my dearest, Pick up your guitar And play a melody for me Channel that dark energy play those ivory keys for me Do not be down Do not frown Don't let sorrow fill your heart Help your creativity spark Let the music fill your heart Spread my ashes Beneath a tree So there will always be a place Where you can find me I am with the Earth, and always here So don't you ever cry not now.. not here

    Anxiety and insomnia go hand-in-hand. I woke up at 2 am; was put into a stressful situation, so I stayed awake until I fell asleep. Now I feel as if there is a weight on my chest preventing me to breathe. My heart is not beating so fast, but faster than it normally does. I shall try to keep busy, and not let myself dwell on my unhappiness.

Why is high school such a defining moment in a young adults life? Is it because you are put into these socially awkward situations for four years? These pivotal situations your thrown into and face somehow define who we are today. I wanted to write about my life when I was in high school, but I haven't summed up the courage to do it yet. I thought I could, but I can't..maybe later...It's ironic how Charles Dickens can sum up my life in high school just a few sentences. "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way- in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authori...

             So begins my ascent, into writing out my frantic over-the top-thoughts, and so begins my brain malfunctioning into a creative chaos slump. I am in the process of self improvement, so hopefully writing everything down will help speed that process up. I am not an optimistic person, in fact I am quite the opposite, although I wouldn't say being kind of a pessimistic person has brought negativity into my life. I would say it's more like; my life has been full of negativity, and this is my bodies form of adaption. Either way I am not an optimist or a pessimist; I'm just socially awkward.  We could get into the whole Nature vs Nurture argument, but it does make it's interesting points. Nature states that my personality is based on genetic predispositions, but by laws of nurture; the way you act stems from life experience, the way you were taught, and the environment in which you grew up. However, I cannot help, but believe both to be true....